The past week has gone by in a bit of a blur. Sometimes this can be a good thing, other times you end up sitting and worrying, wondering where the time has gone and how long is left in the hourglass.
To me, the week has been about connecting and sharing. To me it's been really helpful and has really helped me keep focus and move forward.
The week started with my head still not in a great place (see my blog 'Got The Number Thirteen Tattooed On My Neck...'). I knew that the gig I'd played hadn't been the total wreck I'd made it out to be in my head, but I was still struggling to help turn things around. My head still seemed firmly up my arse.
I got out of it by working hard on the blogs. I'd sent some emails out to people to share their stories and I'd received them back. Working through their emails made me think. I was in a good place really. The fact that I felt I'd played a poor gig by my standards was insignificant in the gteart scheme of things. Nobody would really remember it. Put it behind you and move on Hamilton.
So I did. Producing the blogs became my focus for the week. Other people's stories took over a lot of my time. To me, the fact that people felt that they could trust me with helping tell their story was a huge thing for me, as well as being incredibly humbling. I could read their stories and edit them to help them reach other people. I was connecting to people, with people and helping them with a voice to reach others.
Sometimes you need these things in your life, even if you don't realise it. When I started this I didn't think of how it would help me connect with other people and how this would help me. I've had messages from people I know and people I don't thanking me for putting words to things they had problems with describing, for helping give them a voice. I want to thank these people as well as everyone who reads or shares the blog. I never thought this would help me the way it does. It's now become a major part of my life. Right now it's Sunday evening and I've spent the past few hours working on the blog and I did the same last night too. Normally I would have read, watched TV or played on the X Box. But here I am, editing interviews, reading up on things, preparing to email questions out and typing up on here. And this makes me happy. It makes me feel like I've gained a purpose, almost a reason for why I have my anxiety and depression. And, hell, if that's the reason I suffer then I'm good with that.
The blogs are a good way for me to connect, but they also work really well for the people telling the story too. Take for example, the post I did with Sky Baby and her spiritual approach with her issues (see blog "Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Life" - Talking Spirituality With Sky Baby). When she emailed me back the answers she'd sent she'd mentioned how writing everything down had helped her connect with some of her issues. It seemed that by the act of writing them down in an email had helped almost visualise them and put some perspective on some of them (my words, not hers). She also emailed me later to say that she'd decided to talk openly with her youngest son. He hadn't realised how much she'd suffered from it. This had really made me happy. She used the situation to connect with someone in a way she hadn't before and that's what it's all about.
Sometimes we go through life wondering who we connect with. Some people we connect with on a daily basis, sometimes the connection isn't physically made for days, weeks or months. But you know the connections are still there. You'll never truly know the influence you have with people, or what you really mean to them. Sometimes you think you might have an idea, but often is like looking at the ocean and trying to wonder how deep it is.
Every day something touches me. Occasionally it's a missed opportunity. On Saturday Sarah and I were in Durham (the market city near to where we live). I'm the marketplace a young woman was sitting in a chair and had a sign that said "I feel lonely. Please hug me" and I'll admit I thought poor woman. I resolved to myself that I'd give her a hug as we came past later. About an hour or so we walked back through the marketplace. I looked for but she was gone. I felt quite sad. Why hadn't I hugged her when I first saw her? What had held me back and made me put it off? I really don't know. All I know is I felt bad. I hope she got the hugs and she doesn't feel as lonely now.
The missed connection has sat with me for the past few days now and it doesn't feel good to me. I hate the fact that I'm regretting NOT doing something. Not only does it feel like I've let me down bit I've let them too, by simply not hugging a stranger. I promise next time I won't let that connection slip by. I'll reach out. I don't care of it's someone I know or not, I'll reach out and I'll be there for them.
If you see me and you want a hug, come and ask for one. I promise you can have one.
As usual, if you want to talk you can email me at rustyred666@googlemail.com. I'll try my best to answer you as quick as I can. If you need a bit more support, we've created a closed support group on Facebook, also called The Order Of The Dog. Just search for it and request to join. It's not just for people who suffer from mental health, it's for everyone. I want to help educate and support people as best as I can. Finally, please feel free to share this blog wherever you think it'll be of help.
Cheers,
Scott
The Order Of The Dog.
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